Unfortunate Covers: This post is lame, but so is this book

4 Dec

Friday somehow snuck upon us like those 10 pounds we gained last year, forcing us to realize we have not been very good posters this week! Alas, Unintentionally Funny Books has give you a mere ONE posting (which we were hoping would provide shower nozzle masturbation material for months, but no such luck). To rectify that situtation, we offer a somewhat lame post. Because that’s how much we feel for you, baby. But to be fair, the book which we are laughing over is lame itself (and once you see it, don’t say that’s because of the subject matter, Glenn Beck-lovers*!). So, without further adieu, we present another confusing cover:

It's hard to believe he ever looked any other way than this.

“Well gollee gee solar energy tofu Sesame Street! How ya doin’, Dot? It’s the year 19-ugly-seven and we need a whiz bang bio on our current el presidente, Mr. Jimmy the Peanut Gas Lines Shah Overthrown Man. We think you are just the female, I mean womyn, to do the trick. So, we want the innocent young folk of today who DO NOT do Angel Dust then throw themselves out of a window because after-school specials starring Helen Hunt warn them of such dangers to know about the peaceful man who somehow got elected president. But, here’s the hitch: we know they all accidentally read about him while perusing their dad’s Playboy magazine (they were just tryin’ to look at them pictures), but we want them to know about Jimmy when he was their age, ya see? It will be so relevant, ya dig? Like how white suburban kids watch “Good Times” and think they totally can relate, then go around stroking imaginary mustaches and proclaim ‘you know, what can I say?’** So yeah, it’s about YOUNG Jimmy Carter, cuz believe it or not, Pops was not always an almost-elderly, safe, marshmellowy saltine cracker even though he’s way younger then our next President will be. Got it? Can’t wait to see the draft! Now gotta go watch me some ‘What’s Happenin’?’ It’s my fave episode when the gang gets to interview the Doobie Brothers who talk about how much they hate people illegally taping their concerts but Rerun has been secretly tapped to do just that! Crazy, man!”

That’s how I imagine the conversation went for getting Dorothy Callahan to write this book, which despite its COVER ART is SUPPOSED to be about Jimmy Carter when he was YOUNG. Well, according to this cover, he popped from his Momma’s womb all oldish wearing sensible slacks and ready to go negotiate at Camp David (which when a kid, I thought was a Jewish overnight camp dedicated especially to the Israel-Palestinian conflict because those seemed to be the only people who ever went there in the ’70s. I seriously imagined they went sailing and made macrame.) I mean, this cover explains SO MUCH about the ’70s.

*If you love Glenn Beck, it would surprise me if you also read this for entertainment and not to report me to the authorities.

**In fourth grade, my friend and I made paper mustaches and goatees and would wear them all day at school and do this. JJ was our hero.

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4 Responses to “Unfortunate Covers: This post is lame, but so is this book”

  1. Katie December 4, 2009 at 9:58 am #

    Shower nozzle masturbation and Glenn Beck all in one fell swoop. UFB, you are fab as always!

  2. Mol December 4, 2009 at 11:29 am #

    Katie nailed it…and so did you, Lizaar! Loves it! Let’s make paper hipster mustaches!

  3. Devin December 4, 2009 at 1:18 pm #

    Haven’t you heard? Glenn Beck followers don’t trust the authorities anymore! It’s fascism, Man- just like Hitler! They’re out to keep us down, and we’ve got to stand up to fight… or listlessly walk about with misspelled signs, y’know whatever… The black helicopters are now piloted by liberal aliens! grab your guns and head for the hills!

    But seriously, I love that episode. it just made perfect sense that Rerun would be such a big Doobie Brothers fan- oh, Rerun.

  4. Christine December 4, 2009 at 6:05 pm #

    I seriously think I weeded that book from my last school’s library. (It was a high school, avg. collection age 1975- in 2004.)

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